


A Royal Adventure - Mary Sue/Feminist

by Goonipers



Category: Fandom - Fandom, Mary Sue - Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Bad Sex, Character of Color, F/F, Parody, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-06-10 06:32:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15285759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goonipers/pseuds/Goonipers
Summary: Mary Sue is an author who one day is contacted by a Livejournal or Dreamwidth feminist who wants to beta her because She thinks she's gay. Mary Sue is in the closet, hating it, and agrees to meet!





	1. The Meeting

Mary Sue brushed her long ginger hair by the mirror. It reflected her glittering personality, her dashing make-up and her royalty clothing – and her wig. It was black, as she personally hated being ginger and being name-called. She was the Princess of a long-lost forlorn land, somewhere in America and, out of the ordinary, she was gay. She hated this too, and long to be straight – or as she put it – het.  
  
She was due to meet up with a Feminist that she agreed to become her beta and proofread her new Harry Potter story. It featured Hermione as a raging heterosexual who took over from Harry Potter once he'd died, and a battle between Bellatrix and Ginny, not her mother. Fleur Delacour was in it, as was Gabrielle, as victims, read the initial email, and the Feminist wanted to meet with her in person to decide their true fates.  
  
She also, as Mary Sue put it, wanted to make love. She'd read between the lines that Hermione was gay with Ginny as her partner, and she wanted to ship them. Which was the sole reason for their meeting. The Feminist was the first person to find out that Mary Sue was not all she said she'd was.  
  
Mary Sue was intrigued. How could someone guess that she was gay from the way she wrote? Hermione was still with Ron, although Ron sometimes fancied Luna, as Mary Sue didn't like either of them as they were too ginger and too weird.  
  
Mary Sue was very popular at school and at sports. She lacked true confidence in everything else and was considering self-harming – but that would spoil her good looks. So she self-harmed with a spoon, and where the spoon went, that was in your imagination.  
  
Mary Sue glanced at her watch. It was pink and rarely told the time correctly. So she settled on a new outfit that matched her black wig perfectly, spread powder across her freckles, and wore a brand new eyeshadow that was black. She wore black lipstick – because she was incredibly _goffic_ , and wanted the boys to notice her. She wore highlights in her hair in neon millennial colours, which appealed to the Feminist in her school photo on Facebook, where she'd hooked up her Fanfiction.net account to, even the porn. She'd heard you were suppose to delete your fanfiction later when you'd gotten famous; even the Facebook you could delete all your school stuff for adult stuff later.  
  
She debated with herself whether to wear her unicorn horn or not. She decided not to. She wore black, and lower down, she wore her strap-on, which vibrated. She always had wanted to wear it in public, so she could fuck a boy up the ass, whichever hottie she fancied.  
  
She decided on wearing a very revealing dress, low-cut in the bosom area, and high-kneed in the hem. She put the strap-on in her bag, a tiny affair, too small for a dog, and only enough room for a dollar and her keys. Her iPhone, she slid into a side pocket.  
  
She wore … It went on for ages and ages, all standing in front of the mirror. She described everything as raven or starling black, even her wig, and her eyes as violet, even though they weren't. They were hazel, a colour she didn't know.  
  
Her skin was porcelain, her hands curvy, and her hips non-existent. She'd noticed hips too much on girls, and as previously mentioned, she hated being gay. God wouldn't approve.  
  
Her parents weren't up to much downstairs, so she blasted pop on her iPhone and sang the lyrics to herself as she sailed out the door.  
  
It was a short walk to the cafe they'd agreed on. It had pretty painted low fences and steel outside street furniture. There was a bin near the bus stop and Mary Sue paused to spit her chewing gum across to land… not land in it.  
  
The Feminist was there waiting. She introduced herself as… A Feminist. She wouldn't say her real name, only her beta handle.  
  
She shooed Mary Sue to a table, and as expected, wanted Mary Sue to go half. Mary Sue wouldn't have any of it.  
  
"I've only got a dollar," she argued, trying to wind her way out of it. This worked with schoolfriends.  
  
"You have to pay – it's feminist!" She replied; She was indignant.  
  
"I. Can't. Pay." To prove it, she undone her bag and rolled out 1 sorry-looking-for-itself dollar.  
  
"Fine. I'll take it. Actually, you can pay with your phone, if you've got it."  
  
"I haven't," lied Mary Sue through gritted teeth. "I forgot it."  
  
"You forgot to add Hermione Granger's last name, as I recall. You called her Hermine Potter."  
  
"She's his Mine, that's why."  
  
"Do you know how I know you're gay?" That shut Mary Sue up. "You write like a gay girl, that's why, and I'm a bi girl, and I write like a bi girl, a bi woman."  
  
"You're not old enough. You're only my age. You can't be a feminist."  
  
"My mum's a feminist and that's all that matters. I was born a feminist."  
  
Mary Sue sat down gingerly. And boobily too. Because she was ginger and big-boobed.  
  
"Fine. I'll pay with my phone." She lofted it out and it hit the side of the table, knocking it. It rocked on the pavement/sidewalk, causing anthropomorphic slash in Mary Sue's mind.  
  
And never femslash. That was too... gay.  
  
"You need to switch the right settings on. Oh, I'll do it. Hand it here." On cue, the phone's ringtone warbled out a pop song.  
  
"Turn that off. I don't want to talk to her right now," said Mary Sue without looking at the caller's ID again.  
  
"How do you know it's a Her? Are you feminist and you're lying? You even think Woman."  
  
"No, I don't." Mary Sue hid behind her hand, her curvy hand. She thought fervently of God and self-harming with a spoon.  
  
"I think you're a secret feminist and that you're lying," accused the young Feminist.  
  
"I think you want a friend, any friend," shot Mary Sue back. "For your interest, I have lots of friends at school."  
  
"I think you're gay, and that you haven't told them yet. Maybe one, a best friend, but not the others. You're scared... but scared of what?"  
  
"Of nothing!" Mary Sue danced one leg atop the other. "I'm not gay, and I'm not queer, and I'm not crazy! You're just reading what you want into it!"  
  
"You write like a gay girl; I've read loads from my mum's schooldays collection. My mum's queer and so's my dad, who donated sperm, and so's my mum's new partner. We all get along fine!"  
  
"So how do you know? You're all crazy, BTW."  
  
"You mean by the way." The Feminist laughed. The atmosphere lightened, and the heavy oppressive feel was off.  
  
"No, I mean it like BLT. That's how everyone talks these days. And writes. And writes in emojis."  
  
"Writers don't. Writers have to write English. Language. Whatever language they want," the Feminist said, correcting herself.  
  
"You're nuts. I bet you're PC."  
  
"Totally."  
  
Mary Sue panted. Her wig was in her eyes, and she pushed it back. She wondered if the Feminist wore a wig, as she was black, and she heard black women wore wigs. Probably not.  
  
Mary Sue gazed straight ahead, and not to the corners where the slash was. The Feminist took up all of her view.  
  
She was black with black braided hair and a pink fringe-y bit puffing upwards. She looked a lot like Captain Jack Sparrow, who she remembered from when she was a kid.  
  
The Feminist wore denim jeans and a T-shirt with the slogan: I'm here, queer, and here to stay in rainbow colours. Which matched Mary Sue's highlights.  
  
She thought longingly of wearing her unicorn horn strap-on round her forehead and poking at the Feminist's fringe-y bit.  
  
Speaking of which, She noticed her gaze and patted at Her head. "Has it come loose again. The dye they use always unweaves my hair before I need to re-plait it."  
  
"What's your name?" asked Mary Sue, curiously. She was curious about the Feminist's sneakers, which she hadn't seen yet. She suspected grey or rainbow again.  
  
"Can't say. We're not to reveal ourselves to anybody we've met online. I'm only your beta. Speaking of which..." The Feminist showed Mary Sue an iPad. It was marked with orange annotations and dotted underlines.  
  
"I've flagged up everything inappropriate for our age that you shouldn't be writing," She said. "And everything that Hermione and Harry, and Ron and Luna shouldn't be doing at their age either. You need to age them up above the law of consent. Which is 16."  
  
"Or 17. Or 18," said Mary Sue. "I forget which."  
  
"I still think it's 21 in some countries, and if you get round to writing Hermione slash Ginny, which I think is Herminny or Ginmione, probably never in some countries."  
  
"We can but hope," said Mary Sue without thinking.  
  
"See?! I knew you were gay! I would write Ginmione, as I think Ginny would do better on top."  
  
"I meant it..." the other way about the countries, but she trailed off. God wasn't it in those countries, the God she approved of. She didn't care about them.  
  
"...then Hermione can kiss Ginny better, without Harry Potter's other third arm wrapping around her waste... you spelt that bit wrong, by the way..."  
  
"Oh, just be quiet!! I'm never writing Ginmione, as I'm not—"  
  
"You really think Herminny, then? Your writing doesn't go that way, in my mind."  
  
"I'm not writing that either! I'm NOT gay!"  
  
"But you're gay. I have gaydar, and I've met you now. You don't dress gay, you don't speak gay, you just feel... right." She stood up suddenly. "Right, so I'm wasting my time with you, you little homophobic creep. You didn't email that to me; it was more like a love letter."  
  
"A what?"  
  
"You heard me. You were begging for my help, as they were all calling Ginny a Ginny Sue, and Hermione a full-blown Mary Sue. They ripped you down."  
  
"They're all just trolls who can't see genius when it types it."  
  
"Genius? Genius? You're not a genius! You're a little schoolgirl like I am."  
  
The Feminist took back her iPad from Mary Sue's scrolling thumbs. Or typing thumbs. She'd already written the start of the next chapter.  
  
"That's to all the trolls, that's to all the haters, and if you let me finish, that's to you!"  
  
"'Please R/R and if I get over 100 I'll post porn,' you've just written. You can't post porn on that site, there's no NC-17 anymore."  
  
"It'll be R-rated then."  
  
"You'll get banned. My mum got banned, and she's on Livejournal and AO3.org now."  
  
"Has she published?"  
  
"What? No. She just writes and does fanart."  
  
"She needs to get on Facebook."  
  
"She isn't. She hates it. She just hangs round the Metafandom crowd now, now that it's defunct. She likes Ravelry."  
  
Mary Sue paused. She didn't want the Feminist to leave. She was nice, in a black kind of way. The Feminist noticed her gaze again, and flipped her braids over her shoulder. She had nice, firm tits.  
  
Mary Sue could see her bra strap right on her neckline as the Feminist hauled her bag onto one shoulder, then the other.  
  
"We'll talk online, if you want to talk, Mary Sue," she called as she left for another bus.  
They didn't.


	2. The Fun

Mary Sue was older and wiser. In fact, she'd been aged up to over the law of consent.   
Today, she wore a blonde wig with face powder, and rouge lipstick. She wore blusher and bronzer in a wicked combination to look tanned.   
  
She still wrote and typed everything up, and drew none of her original fanart. It all came from Google Images. She was up to chapter 1200 and still had some good reviewers still going with her, on the adventures of Scorpius and Rose and Albus and they were currently looking for a missing locket in some tents.  
  
Her eyeshadow was open on a table. It had been sitting there for two hours, unheeded.  
She wore gold; a gold sparkly top and a pale golden skirt and golden high-heels.  
  
Everything glittered and shone. She wore no jewellery yet, and was planning to meet with some friends – some boys – later. She had never had a boyfriend yet, who she liked or even loved, and they were all for cold, cold sex.   
  
One look at Beyonce was all it took for her to come with a vibrator in the right place, instead of her self-harming spoon!! Or Shuri or Nakia or even Ramonda. She liked them all black, just like her Feminist, her beta-reader, who was still going, even to chapter 1201.   
  
She even liked Ru Paul in a blonde wig. She hated him without it, what a tr*****.   
  
Mary Sue currently lived alone. Her last boyfriend had left her his flat and his rent for two more months, and was currently sofa-surfing with understanding and sympathetic friends. She had filled it up with shit from Ebay and not Amazon in less than a week.   
  
Empty pizza boxes littered the floor and settee; the whole place stank of take-away. But it was all worth it, to live apart from her parents who would take her back immediately if something went wrong, she was sure of it.  
  
Her last paycheck had bounced. She worked in cafe, part-time, so she could still write. She went to school the rest of the time. She wrote (and typed) long into the night, so she could finish her Harry Potter opus. She was currently plagiarising book 7, and J K Rowling wouldn't let her publish, the b*****.   
  
She still didn't swear properly. God didn't let her. God didn't approve of Beyonce w**king.  
  
Mary Sue sent the last, current chapter off to her Feminist, her beta-reader. She hit send, and sat back, arms behind her head in her non-ergonomic chair. It creaked with the pressure.  
  
An email bounced into her mailbox. It was from Her. It read along the lines of: "Want to meet?" And I think it read, "My girlfriend's left me and I'm upset. You're right. I needed a friend."  
  
Mary Sue grinned like a cat. Of course, she would meet. She'd meet everyone.  
  
***  
  
The Feminist was wearing pouring mascara and had a tissue balanced on the end of her nose. Mary Sue was pleased. She was a very good writer, and noticed these issues.  
  
The Feminist was less observant. She hadn't even looked Mary Sue up and down yet, to gauge her reaction or outfit.  
  
"You're here," heaved the Feminist and held on tightly.   
  
Mary Sue patted her on the back. "There, there, tell me all about it."  
  
"She left! What more can I say? I loved her dearly and truly and she left me for some cow!"  
  
Or c*w. Mary Sue was unsure. It must have read in her mood.  
  
"I really loved her. Mum thought we would get married!!"  
  
"What was her name?"  
  
"What does it matter! I don't know what she sees in her."  
  
Mary Sue was about to ask, who, your mother? when she didn't. She didn't know why. It just came to her.  
  
Mary Sue sat the Feminist down. Gone were the dreadlocks/plaits and in was some new puffy kind of wig, growing Einstein-style in all directions.  
  
Mary Sue flipped her own wig, over her ear. The Feminist didn't notice. Despite her breakdown, she smelt delicious like mango and berry. And, dare I hint it, a touch of coconut?  
  
The Feminist finally noticed something. "Why are dressed all in gold, dear?" She asked.   
  
"It's my new look. I was gothic, last time."  
  
"So's I remember. You looked insane."  
  
"Thanks. I'm dressed like Instagram these days, all rich in glowing gold."  
  
"Er... right. I need to sit down and drink coffee soon."  
  
"I'll get it!" Mary Sue flipped out her phone and paid for 2 coffees, one Americano and one rainbow Frappuccino. She was on bitcoin now, although she didn't understand any of it.  
  
Her regular phone account beeped. She sighed. One day, the shop will get the hang of it, she thought, and smiled. Mary Sue didn't think much; she was all feels, touchy feels.  
  
The Feminist blew her nose. And started to cry. She wept. Buckets, in fact. Mary Sue forgot how best to describe it as she kept remembering Jesus wept, which got in the way a lot.  
  
Or allot. She couldn't remember. She strolled forward with the coffees. "Here, I remembered how you like it."  
  
"Not black! I'm brown not black," she wailed.  
  
"Er... you look black."  
  
"I'm part black, but I identify best as a brown person. I'm mixed heritage."  
  
"Riiight. And I'm mixed white, but I don't go around mentioning it."  
  
"You're just as bad as I remember. And just as beautiful." She stroked Mary Sue's face as she leaned over with the coffee. "Sorry. You look just like her, only white."  
  
"She was blonde like Ru Paul?"  
  
"No, she was tall and spiky with a wig."  
  
Mary Sue gasped. "How do you know it's a wig?"  
  
"The same reason I know you wrote gay, all those years ago."  
  
"It was last year."  
  
"Same thing."  
  
"How... do you know?" said Mary Sue slowly.  
  
"I can see your ginger hair underneath."  
  
Mary Sue gasped despite herself. She tucked in the loose hairs. "You mustn't tell anyone you think I'm ginger. They'll laugh at me!"  
  
"Why don't you just dye it like I do?"  
  
"You dye your hair black?"  
  
"I dye my hair pink. Look!" She parted her Afro and showed Mary Sue her lowlights. They were navy blue.   
  
"No, they're not. They're blue." Mary Sue had remembered what Afros were again from Marty the zebra.   
  
The Feminist ran her hand through her hair. "Whatever. I remember now that you're nuts."  
  
Mary Sue thought about God and all her w**king sessions. "You have no idea."  
  
Instead of drawing out an iPad, the Feminist sobbed into her hanky. It was sodden.   
  
Mary Sue rummaged in her bag. "Here, have mine," she said, thrusting a tissue forward. The Feminist took it. Her fingernails were painted navy blue too, with small silver circles.  
  
"Is that Ravenclaw? I thought you were Gryffindor, supporting Ginny and Hermione all the time."  
  
"No, I'm a Ravenclaw on the main site. I'm too smart for Gryffindor."  
  
Mary Sue grinned suddenly. "I'm a Slytherin. I secretly had the hots for Draco when dad read me the books."  
  
"Are you bi now, like I am?" The Feminist gasped back tears.  
  
"I thought I was het when I was younger," Mary Sue admitted.  
  
"Straight, you mean."  
  
"Straight out of fandom, you mean." They laughed, or at least one hiccuped, and one sighed.  
  
"I wish I could get into Harry/Draco, but Harry's too good to be true. Draco's a real man."  
  
The Feminist doodled into her coffee foam with a stick. "But you're gay," She said finally. "You don't want that sort of thing, do you?"  
  
"I do. Everyone wants Harry/Draco, unless you're a secret Severitus."  
  
"That means Snape adopts Harry, not fucks him. You mean Snarry."  
  
"I forget."  
  
"You do. You forget to correct your typos all the time. I don't know why I bother beta-reading all those chapters."  
  
"Because I'm a genius, and the next J K Rowling?"  
  
"Because I want to get all the Mary Sues to go feminist and write queer instead of slash, I think," said the Feminist. She sighed. "It's part of the feminist agenda to go queer, says Mum."  
  
Mary Sue gaped. "So that's why you're gay! Bi, I mean."  
  
"No! Mum is and I am, that's all. She had a caesarean and everything."  
  
"What's that got to do with anything?"  
  
"That's her choice, that's what. To have a baby. The other feminists all went queer and didn't breed. They kicked her out, I think, after she picked a gay man to donate sperm. She's only feminist online now, I think. She joined a bookclub, and that's it." The Feminist blew her nose again. "Why are we talking about my mum, and not me?"  
  
"What about you?" asked Mary Sue innocently. At least the crying had cleaned up.  
  
The Feminist stood up. "That's it! I'm leaving again. You put your foot right in it again, Mary Sue."  
  
"That's not my name, and you know it."  
  
"Why are you so obsessed with names? You still can't spell Hermione Granger! You sometimes spell it with two R's."  
  
"It's all about Scorpius these days. And Rose. I still haven't decided who to pair her with."  
  
"Herself, I hope, from the Mirrorverse where she's evil, and not her Patronus!!" The Feminist sat down. "Your story is a mess. Why don't you start a new one?"  
  
"Where they're all gay?"  
  
"YES! Now you're getting it!" She thumped her fist on the cafe table.   
  
"I can't. I've written too much to just leave it. I've almost finished the seventh book!"  
  
"No, you're not. You're onto the Cursed Child." She pronounced it curse-sed.  
  
"Now I've heard everything, Miss BTW." Mary Sue sat back and reached into her purse. She pulled out a unicorn strap-on.   
  
The Feminist gasped. "You can't–can't wear that out here, in front of everyone," She whispered. "Put it away, before someone notices."  
  
Mary Sue shrugged. She held it by one hand. "Do you have one?"  
  
"No! We just–fucked really."  
  
"What with?"  
  
"Fingers mostly. Look, I'm not telling you. We split up, and it was hard—"  
  
"Not as hard as my nipples."  
  
"—no, and Oh My God, you're making your skirt rise, like a boy. Stop that! It's not funny!"  
  
Mary Sue blinked. "I thought you're bi?"  
  
The Feminist snapped, "I've never had a boyfriend, just like mum wanted."  
  
"Hoo hah, so that's why you're so frigid!"  
  
"Frigid? Frigid? You're the one that's in the closet with your ginger wig and all!"  
  
Mary Sue tidied her blonde wig. "I'm not ginger. I bleach."  
  
"It's a wig. What?"  
  
"Down there, I bleach. Takes ages and all sorts of cream."  
  
"I don't want to think about you like that. You're my fanfiction writer that I beta."  
  
"Come on, you've just split up. I'm your rebound, Feminist."  
  
"You're not feminist. I'm trying to change you there, but you're no feminist yet. You haven't even heard about Rosa Parks yet. Everyone who's everyone knows about her. And Madame Curie. They're easy. You ignore them on the time-travel sessions."  
  
"Albus doesn't want to know about them. Nor does Scorpius. He's too cool for that."  
  
"No, he's not. What about Rose?"  
  
"What about Rosa?"  
  
"Rose Granger-Weasley. It's her Timeturner now you're using. They've all got one each, which isn't canon."  
  
"Canon-smandom, I write fanon."  
  
"I know. Like, all the time. You're a good writer, full of ideas. I just wish you wrote more... feminist."  
  
"Like more Mary Sue women who pass the Bechdel test?!"  
  
"Like no Canon Sues or Stus who pass anything. I don't believe any one of them has an OWL or a NEWT exam under their belt.  
  
"They're all so ignorant! They only know about time-travel and no sex before bedtime!"  
  
Mary Sue darted a hand through her hair. It made it stick up like an Afro. "And they're all so pretty, but you won't let me write it. I want all of them to have violet eyes like Voldemort's daughter and have different colour wigs... hairstyles."  
  
"I don't mind them fit enough to fight crime. Or thicc, like Angelina's and Dean's children. They're hot. And lit. And cool. I like how you wrote Shuri and Nakia in again."  
  
Mary Sue gaped. She'd been w**king about both when she wrote that chapter. And she'd had a black/brown boyfriend at the time. She wondered about that.   
  
"How come you're brown, not black. I thought everyone African-American identified as black."  
  
"I'm not. Dad was Indian, Mum's African-American. I have to be... brown. I still see him down at the gay club."  
  
"Native American? That's cool."  
  
"No, India's Indian. Other side of the world. How do you not know where India is?"  
  
"I've only been to Portugal. Once. On holiday with mum and dad when I was younger."  
  
"And I've ever been to nowhere!!" She wailed. "Mum goes to conventions and can't take me!! It's too adult, she says. And She promised me the world, when we were together!!!"  
  
The Feminist broke down sobbing again. Mary Sue didn't know what to do. She leant across the table and patted her available hand.   
  
"There, there," she said soothingly. "I'm here. It'll be alright."  
  
The Feminist had a strong, tight, reassuring grip. But Her wandering hand had knocked over Her coffee mug. The tablecloth saturated with cool, thick coffee.   
  
"Ew," said Mary Sue. She couldn't stand cold coffee. She tried to prise her hand free.  
  
The Feminist clung on tighter. "You've all I got," She whimpered. "Mum's at a convention right now. Anime, I think, or gaming. She goes to tons, and spends all our money."  
  
"You give your mum money?"  
  
"Only rent. I've moved back in. Had to. Hope she doesn't mind. My room's a mess, full of her make-up and clothes. It's turned into another closet. Shitful of shoes..."  
  
"You can stay with me, if you don't mind."  
  
The Feminist wrinkled Her dainty turn-up nose. Or Her nose which turned-up as She wrinkled it. Mary Sue had stopped writing in her head, as it was getting hotter with pent-up sexiness.  
  
"You smell like stale pizzas. I can't say much for the rest of your place. How did you get your own place so fast?"  
  
"It's my ex's. He's off with friends," she added. "We can do what we please. He's got ever such a nice laptop and printer."  
  
"Who needs a printer?" jeered the Feminist. "Everything's online these days. OK, I'll accept. But you have to clean and write what I want you to write. And you need to shower!"  
  
"I do. I'm just allergic to deodorant. The sprays. And I have to use fancy soap."  
  
"When you can afford it," hazarded the Feminist. She rubbed her eyes, spreading dark mascara everywhere. She was wearing purple lipstick too.   
  
"No, like all the time. I gets it on Ebay. Or Etsy or somewhere. It spruces you up a right treat, it reads."  
  
"Shut up, I'm in. You can't tempt me in with soap. Where is it?"  
  
***  
  
The Feminist moved in the very next day. She brought two suitcases and an armful of boxes from a taxi cab. Mary Sue went down and held the door open.   
  
It was a small-ish flat with one bedroom, and a sofa bed, where the Feminist would be sleeping. Like, only the first night, thought Mary Sue lustfully.   
  
Mary Sue's parents had provided more bed linen, and a flatpack wardrobe, which was half up. She still had her teenage full-length mirror, now strapped to the back of her bedroom door.   
  
"This is my room," she announced, now holding this door open too. "What do you think?"  
"Very Barbie," commented the Feminist cynically. "Very pink. Not really my cup of tea, to tell the truth. I half-expected black. Mine used to be navy blue and uniform."  
  
Mary Sue launched herself towards the large double bed. It wobbled underneath her. "And this is where we f*ck," she said loudly.   
  
"Who? I thought you split up."  
  
"We have. This is where you and me f*ck."  
  
"What is that noise? Ffffck. What is it that you're trying to say?" The Feminist arched an eyebrow.  
  
God doesn't approve, thought Mary Sue, as this was how she was brought up. "Never mind." She arched her back, and ran a hand up her thigh. "How do I look?" she said throatily.   
  
"Mad. Insane. I don't know why I'm here."   
  
Mary Sue launched herself forwards and cupped her chin in her hands. She looked up. "To write, silly. We have an opus to finish."  
  
"J K Rowling finished it decades ago. Your dad read it to you. I still want you to write Hermione/Ginny on the time travel bits. Rose could change it, and then never exist. Or Fleur."  
  
"I won't write Fleur/Gabrielle. That's just too sick. Even for me. I won't write squick!fic."  
"Or twincest. Fred/George is so hot." She sighed. "That's where I learnt it."  
  
"Writing slash, or beta-reading?"  
  
"Slashfic. Never seen porn, gay porn. Always been slashfic. Sometimes I don't think I'm right way round. All those hot, young boys."  
  
"And hot young girls like Gabrielle and Shuri."  
  
The Feminist smiled. "Now you're talking. Just like our early emails."  
  
The Feminist dumped Her bag on the floor and sat down next to her on the bed. "You wrote me Love, Simon emails, remember?"  
  
"Love what? You called them love letters."   
  
"I wanted you to be my heroine. You're just some made-up little rich kid I beta for." She stood up, and left the room. "You'll have to try harder than that," she called. "I've just been dumped."  
  
***  
  
Mary Sue brought two chairs to her computer desk. She launched Microsoft Windows, and entered her password.  
  
"P@55WOrd? That's it? Anyone could hack that, and you leave it written down alongside all your other passwords in a clear box. If someone hacked your webcam, they could see all of it." The Feminist sat down in a plump kind of fashion. Her tits bounced.  
  
"Bit deep," She added. "Whose chair was this?"  
  
"We used to f*ck in it. Richard and I."  
  
"Richard? Dick? What century was he living in?"  
  
Mary Sue rolled her eyes. "The Famous Five one, of course. No Harry Potter in that family, I tell you. He was a great fan of Timmy porn, though. That's why I dated him. We often shared fanart."  
  
The Feminist snorted. "I don't know what you're talking about. We never read any Enid Blyton. How hot was Timmy?" she added.  
  
"I don't know. He's a dog. Dick was a Brony too. All over Google Docs."  
  
"He whinnied?"  
  
"No, he just shouted George a lot when he came. I think he wanted to be a furry without the costume."  
  
"He was into yiff? No, don't say anything. I don't want to know. What program do you type in?"  
  
Mary Sue glided the mouse pointer over to her word processor. "This one."  
  
"Bit bland. What's wrong with Word?"  
  
"The formatting's always off. Doesn't mesh with Fanfiction.net."  
  
"You mean you use too many fonts and it erases them all when you upload it."  
  
"It doesn't like color. I always write in magenta."  
  
"No wonder you cannot read anything! That's hell."  
  
"I highlight your changes from Mail. And everything's in AutoCorrect, not spell-check."  
  
"Where did we get to? Rose summoned her Patronus. It went over and whinnied, you just typed."  
  
"You're the one obsessed with whinnying. WHINNY WHINNY WHINNY. Why does that sound familiar?"  
  
"It's a meme, I think. Never mind."   
  
Mary Sue laid her non-typing hand on the Feminist's thigh, but She brushed it off.  
  
"Rose can do more power verbs, I think. Dashed over, or trotted over, methinks."  
  
Mary Sue corrected. "Do I have to type in black ink? The printer won't like it for the final draft."  
  
The Feminist snorted. She fished for a tissue and spat into it. "Sorry about that," She said. "How do you print anything, I don't know. Keep typing." She stood up and walked into the kitchen. Mary Sue heard the tap open. "Where do you keep glasses?"  
  
"Top cupboard, on the left."  
  
"Are you left-handed, right-handed, or ambidextrous?"  
  
"I type with both normally."  
  
"So does everyone. Forget I asked."  
  
Mary Sue heard water sloshing into a tumblr. She thought longingly of femslash, all the femslash in the world on there.  
  
Maybe, one day...  
  
Mary Sue went back to typing Scorpius/Rose smut, or a lack thereof. She hoped it was hot, sexual tension again.  
  
The Feminist appeared, or seemed to Apparate. "You're writing Hermione/Ginny again on top of Scorpy. He's going trans."  
  
"Like Eminem."  
  
"What?" The Feminist spat water across the room. "What? You're joking, aren't you?"  
"No, Eminem. I figured out he's trans when I was younger. He's always dressing as a woman in his music videos."  
  
"I think Eminem's closet gay, said my mum," said the Feminist, fishing a tissue out of her glass. "Everyone who's everyone read that into his work. Wait a minute, you listened to Eminem when you were eight?!"  
  
"I watched his music videos when I was nine or ten. It was in the 00's Classics. I think he or she is just very confused and funny."  
  
"I think you were very confused as a kid, always liking Draco Malfoy, when he's terrible in the books and movies..."  
  
Mary Sue turned round. "What's wrong with Draco? He's just very... impish, that's all. It's not his fault that his Dad's a Death Eater. He gets on well with his mum."  
  
"You obviously weren't listening to the books when your dad read them to you, that's all. He's a racist! I'm brown, and even I picked up on it."  
  
"He's purist. There's a difference. He wasn't born in America during the Civil War. Do you think Fantastic Beasts needs time travel?"  
  
Mary Sue opened a new document and made some notes. Then she switched back again. "I write new stories every now and then, but I don't email them to you. Just the main story."  
The Feminist stopped. "Do you publish them?"  
  
"No, I just keep them on here. I'll get round to it after I finish the opus. I've even got some MLP that Richard approved of."  
  
"You'll need Wattpad for that. Fanfiction.net doesn't do NC-17, I've told you." She hesitated. "Why does this file say Princess Mary Sue?"  
  
"That's my very first story that I took down due to trolls and haters. It's about me at Hogwarts with Draco. I wrote it when I was a kid."  
  
"Open it up. Princess of America???"  
  
"It was before Fantastic Beasts. Long ago."  
  
"It's got Disney in it," said the Feminist, scanning it. "You've written in Ariel and Cinderella, I think."  
  
"I think I was watching Tangled, actually."  
  
"She's got red hair, she's actually got red hair, not ginger." She paused. "I don't think ginger and pink go well together."  
  
"I love pink!" she snapped. "I've always loved pink. I wish my whole house could be pink!"  
  
"Paint it then."  
  
"It's rented."  
  
"Furnish it pink. See if I care. I'm only here till I can find my feet at the gay club, friend."  
  
"You'll have to marry a prostitute, then!"  
  
The Feminist looked upset. "I did, almost. The hussy left me for someone else."  
  
Mary Sue laughed. "Now who's being a princess and old-fashioned, eh?"  
  
"I think you mean a diva. I don't think you know, but I really, really miss her."  
  
The Feminist shrugged off her cardigan and massaged both arms. It was a deep red cardigan, woollen, with a missing black button. Mary Sue had never seen anything so twardy before.   
  
She peeled the cardigan off the bottom of the chair. "Gee, I'll hang this up for you."  
  
"Turn on the thermostat, while you're at it," She called.   
  
"Sure, I'll turn up the heat." Mary Sue left the room, and took off all her clothes. No, that was too much, too fast. She donned her underwear and skipped to her room for her teddy dressing-gown, which was slippery and see-through. She tied a bow into the belt, and returned to the den/study.  
  
The Feminist was typing up Her notes in orange highlighter. She typed in an orderly fashion, not haphazard like Mary Sue had taught herself to type. She looked frumpy and hot. Her big tits were trembling to the beat of Her typing.   
  
Mary Sue raised a hand to her own tits. She felt their curve and their nippley hardness. She'll have to write this one day, she thought, and smiled. Maybe Hermione/Ginny after all. Where Ginny has navy blue hair instead of red/ginger.   
  
***  
  
It was well after midnight when they finished. It was the penultimate chapter to Scorpius' and Albus' and Rose's adventures.   
  
"Should they die and I resurrect them?" asked Mary Sue.   
  
"NO! That's too cliche and Mary Sue."  
  
"But Harry Potter did it. So did my Hermione Potter."  
  
"J K Rowling got away with it because she's a genius," said the Feminist.  
  
"I think it had Christian subtext in it. I never did find out if she's Catholic."  
  
"What does that matter? What matters is how to end it."  
  
"I'm out." Mary Sue raised her arms and slid her chair back. "I'm off to bed. If you're not with me, you're on the sofa bed. Do you have school or work tomorrow?"  
  
"Neither. I'm on a gap year. But I work later in the week, part-time."  
  
"I have both. I have the early shift, and school later. English, I think."  
  
"I'm amazed you have time for homework with all this writing."  
  
"I'll get it done later. Now, are you f*cking me, or are you snoozing?"  
  
"I'll fuck you, you marvellous little creator!"  
  
"What?" Her eyes went wide. "I didn't expect that."  
  
"You've been sitting in that see-through teddy all night and you didn't expect a thing, did you?"  
  
Mary Sue became hot and flustered at the same time. She'd never fucked a girl before.   
Her cheeks rose to a blush, although it had started down by her tits this time.  
  
"You've gone bright red, haven't you, Mary Sue?" teased the Feminist.   
  
"It's the ginger fiery genetics, Feminist. I can't help it."  
  
"Well, this will help better than all those years of beta-reading." The Feminist leaned over and kissed her chastely on the cheek. Mary Sue rose a finger, and wiped purple lipstick off.  
  
She wiped it on the chair of the arm. Or arm of the... nevermind. Language had left her temporarily.   
  
"OK," she squeaked. "We'll f*ck in my bed."  
  
"Or mine. On the sofa right now."  
  
Mary Sue opened her teddy robe with a flourish. "Like what you see?" I should get a rise out of this, she thought, staring at the Feminist's crotch.  
  
The Feminist backed her onto the couch. Mary Sue sat down and felt down the side for the lever that turns it into a bed. She pulled it.   
  
The couch partly unfolded then jammed. The bed linen fell of the back.   
  
"The pink party princess bedroom it is," sighed the Feminist. She gave Mary Sue a hand, and hauled her up.   
  
The couch unfolded fully and knocked Mary Sue off her feet. She sat down with a bump and a graze to the heel.   
  
"Never mind," roared the Feminist and jumped on her. Mary Sue found herself rolling forwards and yanked both hands out. The Feminist felt up her back, and undid her bra. Mary Sue's tits jumped forwards.   
  
Mary Sue rolled onto her back as the Feminist yanked her bra off with her teeth. "Such lovely globes," she teased. "Do you like purple prose? You used to write enough of it."  
"Richard never really liked it," said Mary Sue.   
  
"Richard-Smitchard. Do you like it? My second girlfriend loved it more than swearing."  
"Try it and we'll see," she said. "Your eyes are like chocolate and your tongue tastes of coconut."  
  
"You haven't kissed me yet. That should be orange highlighted brown and I'm OK with the coconut. I wash with it."  
  
"Your melting eyes are like brown?"  
  
"Your hazel eyes are like headlights, dear. Anyone would think that you're a virgin."  
  
"I'm not. I've had tons of—" here she bit down on boyfriends "—people," she finished lamely. Then she listened back. "I have violet eyes, I'll have you understand. Not Watership Down."  
  
"You've read that, my little flowery honeypot?"  
  
"I've seen it, ooh, that was scary. Do that again."  
  
"Flowery honeypot," breathed the Feminist, yanking at her panties' gusset.   
  
"Forget the purple prose. It's lame compared to that."  
  
"You're ableist, dear. But I," She said spanking her hard, "shall teach," she hit again, harder, "you." She grabbed her wig off revealing her short, ginger hair underneath.  
  
"Not the wig," whimpered Mary Sue, reaching for it. The Feminist gave it back, reluctantly.  
She stopped, bright red handprints along Mary Sue's thigh. "What do you like?"  
  
"Strap-ons," said Mary Sue promptly. "Richard said it was the best he's ever had."  
  
"You fucked him up the ass?"  
  
"I fucked him up the ass, in the ear, and in the pussy," she boasted. "He loved his mpreg so much he drew one on."  
  
"I don't think I heard that one correctly, dear. You said the p-word, not cunny."  
  
"Password?"   
  
"I think we better have that as Safeword."  
  
"Richard's safeword was Aubergine. Even on his phone, I had to watch out. I think that's why we split."  
  
"Er, OK, if you say so." The Feminist sounded a bit weepy. Mary Sue remembered that They'd just split up, and that she was the rebound.  
  
She said the best thing she'd ever said. "F*ck me!"   
  
"What is this ffffck thing you keep mentioning? I fuck."  
  
Mary Sue scrambled to her feet. "Let me get the strap-on and dildos. I have tons."  
  
She paused by her bedroom door, looking longingly at the soft bed. The sofabed had been all prickly springs. She slid open a secret drawer and chose a scarlet strap-on with a lacy belt that she hadn't tried before, and two bullet vibes that were good for the clit.  
  
She came back to find the Feminist in Her purple and black mismatched underwear. Her clothes were neatly folded to one side. She noted that the flatpack wardrobe was still half-up, and that they hadn't had time to finish it.   
  
Mary Sue brushed her teddy robe aside and strapped on the lacy holdall system. She slid and clicked the rod into place. "It can take any dildo, it boasts."  
  
God, the lace was tight and started to itch. "Actually..."  
  
"I prefer fingers," said the Feminist.  
  
"But I'm really good!" she wailed. She held a bullet vibrator in each hand.  
  
"And I come from the fingers up the vag not the clitoris. I'm good."  
  
"I come easy too with a vibrator." And thinking about Beyonce, she thought.  
  
The Feminist sighed, and reached for her clothing pile. "If you don't want to do it my way..."  
  
"Fine. OK, we'll do it your way." Mary Sue unhooked the lacy strap-on. It fell to the floor after she unclicked it. She removed both vibes from her armpit.   
  
"Lie down here," ordered the Feminist. She spread her legs out in a V.   
  
Mary Sue obliged. "What are we doing now?" she asked.  
  
"Scissoring. I thought you could guess." The Feminist locked Her legs with Mary Sue's legs, and ground Her black panties against hers. It was hot, but Mary Sue's left leg started to go numb.  
  
Mary Sue compensated by wrapping her left arm around the Feminist's waist. She grabbed Her ass like Deadpool on Colossus. She liked that slash, played out in her head with Rose Granger-Weasley without Richard knowing.  
  
The Feminist smelt of sweet sweat. Mary Sue's leg started to cramp. "Uh..." she started to say. "I've got cramp."  
  
"Why didn't you say? I knew you weren't enjoying it." The Feminist slid off and began to massage her thigh and knee. "Is this better?"  
  
There was a faint wet mark shining on her leg. Mary Sue touched it with a dab of the finger and sucked it.   
  
"It'll be better without panties," she suggested. She wiped her wet finger sexily across her tits. "Aren't you going to remove your bra, Feminist?"  
  
The Feminist sat up and put Her arms behind Her back. Her brown tits sprang forward, unlocked. She had hard, dark nipples.   
  
"Suck me," she moaned. "I like boobs."  
  
"And I like tits, big ones," said Mary Sue, inadvertently mimicking Richard. She leaned forward and grabbed one in each hand and squeezed. "Honk, honk!"  
  
The Feminist fell back, laughing somewhat. "Not like that," She said.  
  
Mary Sue caressed both of them, each with both hands. She liked being ambidextrous. The Feminist kept hooking Her fingers into each side of Her panties, but removed Them every now and again.  
  
Mary Sue kissed Her left one. She trailed small kisses up to Her neck where she bit down hard.   
  
"Not so fast. I barely know you apart from emails."  
  
"We're sharing a flat."  
  
"On the first night. No kissing on the lips. I know you. You'll use too much tongue."  
  
Mary Sue looked downcast and her lip trembled. The Feminist did know her, too well.  
  
She resigned herself by kissing back down to the right boob. She licked the nipple and areola.   
  
"Suck me," ordered the Feminist. Mary Sue did so, feeling like a babe. She nuzzled her head at the boobs higher up, lapping and sucking at the nipple.   
  
The Feminist finally pulled down Her panties, and began to finger Herself. Mary Sue let her fingers trail downwards and around her clit. It felt strange, backwards, doing someone else.  
  
"Not as strong," gasped the Feminist. "I prefer vag anyway."  
  
Mary Sue grabbed the panties and hoisted them downwards to the knee. She left the boobs alone and propelled herself towards Her vag. There was dark fluff there, where Mary Sue bleached her pubic hair.  
  
Mary Sue parted the folds and began to thrust two fingers into the tight opening.   
"Oh," cried the Feminist. "Harder! Curl them!"  
  
Mary Sue tried to remember which direction was the G-spot. She remembered that the prostate was part of the ass.  
  
"No, not that way! Upwards! You're useless!" The Feminist bore down and clutched at her fingers from the inside so that she couldn't thrust at all. Richard hadn't tried that technique.  
  
"You've got good pelvic floor exercises," managed Mary Sue, trying to drag her fingers out.  
  
"What? Talk dirty to me."  
  
"You've got good pelvic floor b*tch exercises," she repeated. She extracted her middle finger. It was really sucky in there.  
  
"Don't take it out, put it in," She moaned.   
  
Mary Sue removed both fingers and began to massage the labia instead. Maybe She'll let it go, let it go, can't hold it back anymore...  
  
The Feminist relaxed again as she massaged closer to the clit. She longed to press a bullet vibe to it, so she leant forward and began to hum.   
  
"For the last time, I'm not Dick. Stop doing that, and fuck me!!"  
  
Mary Sue curled two fingers first and slid them harshly into the c*nt. C*nny, whatever, bitch.  
  
B*tch. Sorry, God.  
  
She scratched at the warm flesh within, and began to thrust.   
  
"Yes! Yes, yes, now you're getting it. Harder!!"  
  
If Mary Sue went any faster, her fingers would fall off. Lesbians must have tons of stamina, she thought. Finger stamina.  
  
The flesh was hotting up. Her clit stood up. The Feminist roared and gasped, and fell back onto her shoulders.   
  
"Don't stop," she moaned. "I... like to come... twice."  
  
Mary Sue put on a spurt of effort; she was panting from the exercise. Her whole arm was aching. It was like j*cking off Richard and one of the others, she forgot his name.  
  
The Feminist moaned, long and loud. She panted, "Finally, I've got off once. And that will do. You're useless, you know."  
  
Mary Sue slowed down and let go. She slid her slimy fingers out, pale against the dark. The Feminist raised her panties back around her cunny, and saturated the crotch.   
  
"What do you like apart from strap-ons which don't exactly get you off?"  
  
Mary Sue thought hard about fanfiction. "Rimming!" she said, which she hadn't tried yet.  
  
"Fine. I need some hand-gel," said the Feminist. "I'm not going anywhere near you without soap."  
  
"I washed there this morning with my fruity stuff."  
  
"Well? Do you want to be rimmed or not?"  
  
"Rimmed," she replied. She got up, legs wobbling with longing, and prowled to her computer desk. Sometimes she wiped the touchpad down with gel to keep it clean.  
  
Nothing. She went into the bathroom and found some herbal toner that she didn't use. It smelt of witch hazel. She padded out.  
  
"Will this do?"  
  
"Herbal essences," She read. "OK. It's part of a range, but it'll do."  
  
She unscrewed the lid, and poured a measure onto her fingers. She slid off Mary Sue's panties and tapped gingerly around and in her ass.  
  
"You better smell sweet," She said.   
  
"I smell like pussy, I hope," said Mary Sue, who was sweating down there. She looked down and saw her blonde pubes quiver.   
  
The Feminist parted her buttocks and dove in there. She licked, she flicked, and she gurgled. She drew back. "Anything?" she said. "You're not enjoying it."  
  
"I am. I'm thinking of Drarry. Draco loves being rimmed."  
  
"Shut up, and think about me with girls! That's an order."  
  
Mary Sue let her mind wander. All she could hear were the faint echoes of her vibrator.   
  
She felt three fat fingers enter her pussy. It was all but clenching on them, she tried to avoid. Her legs sagged and she entered a squat. The Feminist lowered Herself with her, and didn't stop. Mary Sue heated up, but didn't come as she preferred the clit. She told Her.  
  
The Feminist sighed, and reached over to a rolling vibrator fallen down the side of the sofabed. Mary Sue heated up immediately after it was turned on. Her pussy swelled.  
  
The Feminist stopped rimming and drew circles around her clit with the pink vibe.   
  
"All that rimming, and it didn't do a thing for you?" she asked. "You like to be teased, babe?"  
  
Mary Sue fell from her squat onto her ass. Her legs ached and wobbled. The Feminist pressed hard with the vibrator to each side of her clit.  
  
"Do you like that?"  
  
"I do, very much," said Mary Sue innocently. She brushed back blonde curls and let her blonde wig tumble back. "F*ck me with the peach one too, Feminist."  
  
The Feminist's hand wandered over to the lacy strap-on. "Does this vibrate as well?"  
  
"No, the peach vibe, mistress. Oh!"  
  
"Don't call me that again, you naughty little bitch!"  
  
The Feminist slid the pink vibe into Mary Sue's tight, hot cunny. She twisted its setting up to max. "Stay there while I fetch it. See if you can come from it up the vag first."  
  
The Feminist stood up and wandered over the squeaking sofabed to the armrest. She looked behind it, and draped the bed linen over the back again.   
  
"I'm sleeping here tonight, so don't create a wet spot," she said.   
  
Mary Sue slid the pink vibe in and out hopefully, but it didn't do much. She longed to touch her clit, where she could come five times every ten seconds with a woman tonight, she knew it.   
  
The Feminist walked back over holding the peach vibe. She removed the pink vibe and held both in one large hand. She pressed them into Mary Sue's clit, again either side. She ran them up and down.  
  
Mary Sue gasped with pleasure. This was more like it! Her heart throbbed and she felt orgasmic pleasure ripple from her feet upwards.   
  
"Press them together," she moaned. "Now..."  
  
The Feminist disobeyed, and instead coyly slid one into her cunny, leaving the other on her clit. She whacked it up to max. Mary Sue let the noise run her over into pleasure and out the other side. She steeled herself as she came again and again, a lot slower than she imagined, but over about two minutes, she was spent.  
  
"No more," she begged. The Feminist turned the vibrators off, and sat down, cross-legged, on the floor.   
  
"All right," She said. "But it's almost gone one, and I would like some sleep."  
  
"I'm not sleeping here," whimpered Mary Sue. "The springs!"  
  
As she got up, the vibrator slid out of her cunt and dripped down her leg. It landed blunt end down between some springs.   
  
The Feminist glared. "I have to sleep here. It's too pink," She waved, "over there."  
  
"Alright," agreed Mary Sue. "I'll go." She wrapped her teddy around her, and picked up her lacy strap-on and gathered the others in her arms. "I'll find my underwear in the morning."  
  
***  
  
After she was gone, the Feminist fired up the laptop and began to write.


End file.
